Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
