the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
