yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
