I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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