Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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