apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
