It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
