I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
