we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
