I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
