Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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