Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
