we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
