I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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