How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
