and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
