we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
