i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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