He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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