farters have to be the big spoon...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
