You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
where are you?
Hypothermia
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
