I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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