im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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