We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
