ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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