the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
