**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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