i just wanna soil my oats bro
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
