why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
