There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
