Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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