There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
