Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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