Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
