Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
