any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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