Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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