I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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