Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
