apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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