when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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