I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
