If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
