and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
