i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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