it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
