you guys were way drunker than both of me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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