My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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