so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
