a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
