I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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