ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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