I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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