She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
