I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
