I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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