honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
