I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize