I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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