I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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