I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
