you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize