You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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