i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
