he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Pants are for mortals
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
