I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
