FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
