Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
