u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
