Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
