I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
