He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
