The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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