I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She's like a pop up book from hell.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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